The Slow Work of Trust: Why Small Steps Matter Most

Trust isn’t rebuilt in a moment—it grows slowly through patience, grace, and intentional steps.

Trust is one of the hardest things to build and the easiest to break. Whether you’re starting a relationship with someone who struggles to trust, or you’ve broken trust yourself, the journey back is slow and intentional. It doesn’t happen overnight.

We all carry backgrounds and experiences that shape how easily we trust others. And if we’re honest, none of us perfectly keep our promises or live with complete honesty. Sometimes the very shortcomings we notice in others are the ones we carry ourselves—just expressed differently. That realization can be painful, but it’s also the first step toward grace and growth.

Here are some helpful awarenesses I’ve learned when someone I love has broken my trust:

• Recognize that many emotions arise when trust is in question—anger, sadness, frustration, fear, loss of control. These are valid, and it’s okay to sit with them for a while before letting go.

• Recognize that boundaries are healthy. Proceed with caution in interactions with those who have broken trust.

• Recognize that the person we mistrust may be struggling in ways we don’t see. Extend grace for their humanity, while still not excusing unacceptable behavior.

• Recognize that forgiveness is a choice, but it doesn’t mean trust is instantly restored.

• Recognize whether the person is offering a quick apology or showing intentional, consistent steps toward changed behavior and reconciliation.

• Recognize that the only One we can trust fully is God. Expecting people never to hurt us is unrealistic. Abuse, however, is unacceptable, and boundaries are necessary.

  
  

Here are some awarenesses I’ve learned when I have broken someone’s trust—whether intentional or not:

• Do not minimize their hurt, anger, or frustration. Own your part, apologize, and ask what you can do to make things right.

• Do not pressure them to forgive quickly or resolve things immediately. Give space while assuring them of your love and your desire to change or make things right.

• Do not blame them for your actions or suggest they caused your behavior. That road leads nowhere.

• Do not triangulate by involving third parties to take sides. This only worsens the situation.

• Do not give the silent treatment. It is emotional abuse, immaturity, and disrespect.

• Do not give up on the person you hurt. Pray for forgiveness, change your behavior, and ask God to restore the relationship if it is His will.

  
  

Relationships are hard. People are human. Give grace and compassion, recognize your own part in the problem, and take steps to acknowledge it. Be patient and let time take time.

With grace and gratitude,

Cindy

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