Yes, Trust Can Be Rebuilt: Here’s Where to Start
- Cindy
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
In any of our relationships—and the success of them—the topic of trust is a huge deal! It is hard to open up, be vulnerable, and share our hopes, dreams, and inner lives with others when they are not trustworthy. It is easy to become righteous about this, as if we play no part or never break trust ourselves. We are kidding ourselves if we think we can live out trust one hundred percent perfectly. Over our lifetimes, we can learn how to do this better as we grow and mature, yet we are still imperfect human beings who make mistakes—sometimes intentional, sometimes unintentional, and sometimes simply because there is a lack of clarity between us.
The thing is… this is complicated. However, trust can be reclaimed and restored if BOTH parties are willing to work on it.
In our world today, we hear a lot about toxic relationships and simply discarding people because they have hurt us one time in some way. Disclaimer: I am not talking about repeated patterns of hurtful behavior but rather allowing grace for humans to make a mistake and giving them a chance to prove that they are trustworthy.
This process takes time, depending on how deep the hurt is and the willingness of both parties to participate in the healing process.
This article is meant to provide a few simple tips to start the process, but the topic in general cannot be covered in one two‑minute blog post. This simply gets the engine started and the thoughts flowing.
Whether you are the one who has been hurt or you are the one who has hurt someone else, there is hope in restoring the relationship to where it once was. It does take time though!
A few thoughts to get started:
Have the hard conversation and be willing to let the other person know how their actions and behavior impacted you. Doing this gently, using “I” statements, is a good approach.
Depending on their reaction or response, you will know if they are willing to take accountability for their actions. Additionally, you’ll see whether they are willing to let you know what part you may have played in the situation. Believe it or not, we all play a part somehow.
Once you get on the same page, the work can begin. Discuss how the person who harmed you can make it right. Depending on how simple or how harmful the action was, the amount of effort required to make things right will vary.
What I’ve personally found is that I will offer an opportunity for someone to make things right by:
A genuine apology and owning their part—no excuses (you know those “yes, but…” moments).
A willingness to change their behavior so it does not continue indefinitely and become a harmful pattern for you both. That is when things become unmanageable and unhealthy.
A willingness to give grace, depending on the situation—especially when the person says, “Oops, I see I made this mistake again. Please allow me to work on this again.” The point is: are they genuinely trying to improve or simply giving you lip service? Their behavior over time will tell you, as actions speak louder than words.
In my mind, I develop my own boundaries around how much I am willing to accept from a person if poor behavior continues. Then I have choices to make about what I can accept, allow, change, or end.
These tips may sound straightforward, but they are hard to practice!
I’ve had a great deal of life experience in hurt, healing, boundaries, trust restoration, etc. If you’d like to chat further, message me at cindy@graceu-lifecoaching.com and we can get to know one another in one complimentary session and determine if your situation is a good fit for us to discuss a coaching agreement.
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Have a wonderful day!
With grace and gratitude,
Cindy
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